tempus fio silens (with chapter 2 prview)

Chapter 1
Janet woke up in the middle of the night. She was average height, with brown fur. The only distinct marking on her was a circle of white fur around her left eye. She looked at the clock beside the bed. The time read 04:00. She sighed and went to get out of bed. She suddenly realized why she had woken up. She had wet the bed again. She was thankful that her bed was made of a water resistant material. She grabbed her sheets of the bed and threw them into the dirty clothes. She pulled off her wet clothes and climbed into the shower. It was days like this that made her glad the captain had insisted she stayed in the section of the ship intended for the children. She was also glad that she had been allowed to put a security lock on the door, making it so only she could open it. When she finished her shower, she dried off and put on her uniform.

The female fox walked to the supply room to get more sheets. When she got there, she was upset by the fact that the only sheets left in the room had a human fairy named Tinkerbell on them. She sighed and pulled the sheets out of the closet. She figured she would make due for now. She returned to her room with the sheets. She put the sheets on the bed and made sure the comforter was fully covering the sheets, even though no one can get into her room without her permission. In fact in the three months that she had been in this room, only two people had visited her quarters.

Just as Janet was finishing remaking her bed, her door chime went off. She walked over to the door and opened it. Standing in the hall was a black male fox. He was wearing a large brown robe. He smiled and said, “Oh good, you’re up.”

Janet looked at the black fox with ferocious blue eyes. She said, “What do you want, Michael? I’m not in the mood.”

Michael smiled. He pulled an auburn flower from behind his back. Janet’s jaw dropped. She was shocked to actually see a Vaciarain rose. They were the most rare, most expensive flowers in the entire galaxy. He said, “Happy anniversary.”

“How did you get one of those? Wait…anniversary? It’s not our anniversary.”

“Yes it is. Six years ago today is when we first met. Don’t you remember? I was wandering around the academy, trying to find the room I was supposed to be in for the lecture I was giving. Let’s face it I was lost. I ran into you, literary, and you helped me find where I need to be. I thanked you by buying you dinner.”

“Has it really been six years? You realize you didn’t answer my first question?”

Michael walked into the room to set the rose down. He noticed a corner of the comforter was turned up a little. He raised it to fix it. He noticed the sheets. He turned to look at Janet. She blushed. He lowered the comforter to fully cover the sheets. He turned around and said, “Again?” The female fox blushed again. Michael continued, “Well, that’s why you have a water proof bed. Let’s be glad the captain moved you down here.”

Janet said, “I will be glad when we put in at the shipyards in a few weeks, and we can get a water resistant bed moved into my old quarters. Until then I’m stuck down her with the kids. Come on, let’s go get breakfast.”

“You know if you want, I could use my contacts to get you something to help you with your… condition.”

“No offense, but I don’t want you to get me anything off the black market. A lot of the time, the products are too Juvenal for my taste. Thanks for offering though.”

The two foxes moved into the hallway. Down the hall a door opened and a young human girl walked out into the hall. She was holding a small stuffed bear. She took one look at the foxes and screamed, “Aahh! Don’t eat me!” She ran back into her room.

Janet sighed. She said, “Hold on a second.” She walked down the hall and knocked on the door opposite of the one that the little girl had come out of. She said, “Hey, Maria, you’re sister needs your assistance.” A teenage girl with long blonde hair, most of which covered her face, came to the door. She walked across the hall, and the door to her sister’s room closed behind her.

Janet turned and walked back to where Michael was standing. She said, “Where were we? Oh yes, we were going to go get breakfast.” The two foxes moved to the lift. The door closed, and after indicating where they wanted to go, the lift took them to the mess hall.

When they arrived in the mess hall, the two foxes got some food and sat in a corner of the room so they could have some privacy. A few minutes later a large white tiger walked into the mess hall. He made straight for the two foxes. He sat down at the table and said, “Janet, Michael, good morning.”

Both foxes replied, “Good morning captain.”

The tiger said, “Well, I got some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” She sound worred.

“You won’t be going down to the planet we are stopping at today. Apparently they want us to spend the night down there.”

“So why can’t I go?”

“Well, that’s the thing, your… uh… condition is apparently a crime there. And I want to go and get done as soon as possible.”

Janet, shocked at what she just heard, said, “They can arrest some one for that? You’re kidding, right?” The tiger shook his head. Janet sighed and said, “What’s the good news?”

The tiger said, “Command has changed our orders. We are to put in at the shipyards for a six-month overhaul as soon as our current mission is finished. Which means a few days not weeks.”

“That is really good news. Everybody will get his or her R&R much earlier than expected. When are you telling every one else?”

The tiger replied, “Later today I will tell all of the senior staff. They can tell their underlings. Everybody should know by the end of the day. If they don’t they will know before the end of the week. Now if you would excuse me, I have to find some meat that is still bleeding.” The tiger stood up and walked away from the table.

Michael said, “One of these days you have to tell me how he found out about your condition.”

Janet smiled, “Well, I do have six months of leave coming in a few days. Maybe during that time I will tell you the story.”

pyro keepit up, because you seem good at spinning the ol yarn "without burning it" ^^
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no tickleing ^,^" Please...?

FTT Family

lil bros-sunny fizzy prower
Big sis-Kaela, Raith666
Big bros- RedFox, Zidane Wexler, Mikyzu, Deck
Dad-Inutaishou

It's interesting. Reminds me a lot of a few other stories I've read. Deep space, girl ends up wetting herself. Kinda redundant after a while, but still I'm interested to see if this one changes up the storyline a bit.
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A little cat-girl pixie sprite.

Kind of agreeing with veridiannymph on this one; this is a lot like other stories I've read. If you do so happen to change it up, however, I'd love to see how you do it. Good start, though.
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Revolution, the only solution
The armed response of an entire nation
Revolution, the only solution
We've taken all your shit now it's time for restitution
The plan was mastered and called genocide
Took all the children and then we died
The few that remained were never found
All in a system of down
P.L.U.C.K. by System of a Down

I kind of figure it would be like a lot of other stories out there. Like I said it is first attempt at furs, so I decided to pick a story gernra that I know how to write. And I know how to write scifi.

While I can't promise that it won't rnd up like every other story out there, i promise to try and make it as unique as possible.

Thaks for the compliment.

i agree with the others make sure to keep it fresh and new

on a sidenote..... Ahh, another pyro join my legion or be obliterated by my coolness!! lol
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O CRAP I JUST CAUGHT THAT ON FIRE!!...hehehe

Age : 22 Joined : 06 Nov 2005 Posts : 173

The sentence flow is too stilted, and I see a number of typos and word use errors. Also, you don't need to write "he/she said" every time someone starts talking. If you choose to continue, please spend some time proofreading.
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And then...

i tried to fix all the spelling errors, i just forgot to check grammar. i will try to work on that in the future.

Edit: I fixed the grammar in the first post. or tried to at least.

i haven't had a lot of free time lately. I will try to write more at some point this week. Though I need to figure out where the story is going before i write chapter2.

Age : 26 Joined : 05 Jun 2008 Posts : 97

Here, read this...

Thanks Geraden, I'm in the process of writing my own story, and I can't believe I hadn't thought of this little tidbit... It'll really help Smile

Thanks again!
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zamm's little family:

Spoiler:
	Lil' sister person crime bacon (and super awesome friend): Nanami Amaya Little sister: Akiva bro's: fenrir, Khael, fozziepup, little foxy

Age : 26 Joined : 05 Jun 2008 Posts : 97

No problem! Dialogue is one of the hardest things to get down. It's probably what I spend the most time fixing on revisions.

Yes, I'm actually taking a 5 minute break from writing to check the forum again, and I keep finding myself wanting to do other things in place of dialogue... It just makes things easier it seems.
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zamm's little family:

Spoiler:
	Lil' sister person crime bacon (and super awesome friend): Nanami Amaya Little sister: Akiva bro's: fenrir, Khael, fozziepup, little foxy

Age : 24 Joined : 30 Mar 2006 Posts : 29

I'll be contrary and say that I've found that dialogue is my favorite. When I plan things out in my head, I tend to represent plot points with a snippet of dialogue. I will admit it takes the most fiddling to get right. Getting the tone and structure and flow right can be a challenge.

To avoid completely turning this thread into a writing workshop, I'll say I like this story, and I'd like to see more. People above have already pointed out the things that bothered me.