Arukan's (Not so Nice) Guide to Forum Users [Semi-Satire]

Here we are, the whole of my little guide that was posted on wetset.

This is basically how I see ALL forums. Regardless of whether it be FTT, palcomix, AnimeOTK, DiaperedAnime, or even freaking Gaiaonline itself. Even 4chan functions in pretty much the same way. so I put together a little guide that will explain everyone who is everyone who uses a forum like FTT. I hope you like it. Very Happy

WARNING, THIS PROBABLY WILL OFFEND YOU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. IF YOU AGREE TO READ ON, OR YOU IGNORE THIS BOLD TEXT, (IN THE LATTER CASE: YOU ARE ASLO A JERKFACE) AND YOU AGREE TO THE ITALICIZED TEXT BELOW THIS TEXT.

Don't go and attack me. I'm not singling anyone out. If you feel slighted, you're just ashamed that your online persona/e actually fits into my little chart, and it's not at number 5.

1. Self-Important, Holier-than-thou Preachers: The people who think their opinion or view is the right one, either because of their experience in the community, their age, or their gender. Yes, this is a very popular category that female ABDLs fall into. Because of their drawing power, and the ability they have to sway men, they abuse it to make sure their views are always "protected." Well, guess what? You're wrong, your experience in the community means nothing, you're in a fetish community pretending to be some kind of politician. You fail, pack it up and go home, you're an embarrassment to yourself, the community, and even anyone you personally insult.

This echelon includes anyone who extols their incredible ability to run and make a site off of their fetish. Great, we're all glad you can do that. Some of us don't care, some of us will not be bought into defending you from people who will say you're a whore, or an attention/approval addict. Some people, like me, know that whether or not you're part of the fetish, the fact that you are doing it for money and then gloating about it is a clear sign that you're childish, puerile, and immature, with the brain to match.

2. Retards: I don't need to explain the echelon any more than such. They are bottom of the intelligence barrel. Either they cannot be bothered to learn to spell properly, or they can't. They ask the most unintelligent questions, and ask them repeatedly, even after getting an answer. They cannot, and do not follow or read instructions, no matter how large, bolded, simple and EXPLICIT they may be.

These people will infuriatingly break rules and then whine and bitch and moan when they are "unfairly punished." They populated a good 50-60% of every forum with comments like "u shud pop the daiper" or "can we get free pix?>". They are the bottom of the intelligence barrel, and I think sometimes that this fetish contains the highest concentration of morons than any other, except maybe vore, but that's just because they're retarded as a whole to begin with.

3. Sheeple: They pick an influential shepherd and will follow that person to the very death, if it was possible. I've seen people defend a person that was totally wrong, usually a person as described in point number 1. They find this person, usually a woman, or a troll on a website, as so "charismatic" and "powerful" that they will sacrifice their intelligence and good sense, lowering themself to the level of people in point number 2 to protect the interests of the shepherd.

They don't see that their "fearless leader" might actually hate them, or derisively laugh at them every chance they get, but even when they do, it is only seen as "a part of that person's awesome personality" and the defense continues. On multiple forums I have frequented, this is the case. Rarely is this person ever right in any argument or discussion, they just having flaming rights, due to their massive following.

4. The Troll or Ego-Maniac: This person consists of three things: internet, hate, and machine. Not to be awkwardly 4chanesque in humor, but it's true. These people have only one thing on their minds: the further of themselves, and to cause as much dissatisfaction, hate, chaos, and problems on a venue as they can. They exist to tell others off, put others down, and destroy the hopes and dreams of another person in the same way that George W. Bush has destroyed the ability for America to ever peacefully leave Iraq.

They are usually singular to a forum, but if they exist in a quantity more than one, and less than three, they are undoubtedly allied and will attack in unison to cause the greatest amount of confusion and hardship to the users.

They don't give a fuck about the fetish. 99% of their posts probably won't even be on topic, even when they TRY to be productive members of the forum. And though as horrible as they are, no one will dare question them, because a horde of those classified in point number 3 will join the troll's side whenever possible, making life on a forum living hell to anyone trying to enjoy a free community of people.

The ultimate of this is when the troll is a female, a known and certified, or at least widely believe, female. She can become Eris incarnate. Her golden apple of femininity will wreak havoc wherever it lands, and with the help of enough sheeple, and maybe a husband troll, she can bring an entire forum's intelligence level down. This is the rarest type of troll, not to sound like some kind of RPG bestiary, but it is the most dangerous type of troll, dealing 1d10 constitution, and intelligence damage whenever she activates her powers.

The Ego-Maniac is not so much a troll as it is a person who, despite actually having skills, or intelligence, is a douchebag to everyone around them. They consider themselves the best, and everyone around them is trash. They will fume at others getting attention, and will make it clear that they believe a person deserves none of the pageviews, or replies that they are given in a thread. They will extol the incredible virtue of their every work and idea and downplay the works of others.

Their mindset puts them on the pedestal of God himself. The holy light of their presence shining down on the forum, illuminating the way for all other users. Anything remotely similar to their works is homage, if secret, by the creating user, and all ideas of theirs are the genuine original article, everyone else's ideas are faked, recreated, stolen, or just bad.

Unlike number 1, they actually are right, 90% of the time. Their opinions are correct, and their views are generally and widely accepted as the consensus of the community. Their personality is just so enraging that it causes people in groups 1, 2, and 3 to react adversely, if not totally oppositely to their dearly held beliefs. And it makes other members of 4, the trolls, laugh with glee, as their job is getting down without them having to work.

5. Your Average Forum-Goer: The golden 10%. The rarest of all forum members. A completely kind, understanding, sometimes smart, even talented person with a genuine interest in the fetish. They are nice people, sometimes they might give in to 1, or 4 tendencies, because they are human. But they have their own opinions that keep them from being 3s, and enough intelligence to not be 2s.

6. The Artist or Writer (The "Talented" Soul): Regardless of talent, this person will have a chip on their shoulder the size of the rock of Gibraltar. And if you didn't know, Gibraltar is not so much a rock as it is a fucking mountain, complete with monkeys and a forest on it. The only monkeys in Europe too, which is interesting, considering pattering, hooting, and crap-flinging monkeys are the population of most of group 6's heads.

Some of them will have little or no talent, but despite that, or maybe BECAUSE of that, they will not listen to any comments whatsoever on their art, unless those comments are kissing their ass to heaven and back. This group is most infuriating when they are 1s and 2s, but can be pretty annoying if they are 3s, or 4s. Most 6s have a good bit of 4 in them to start, if not for a latter case.

They will not take well to criticism, or any attempts to tell them how they can improve their craft. Most of the time, any form of critique will come with a complaint, a PM to an admin about harassment, and your bannination (yes, I realize it's not a real word.).

If the 6 in question is also a 5, they are excluded from this rule.

7. The "God's Gift to the Fetish" Girl: 7 is the most infuriating case of all, because she is usually a combination of 1, 2, and 4 all at once. God forbid her being a 6, because that will increase her "God's Gift" factor a billion fold.

She definitely is a 1, no doubt about it. She believes only her opinions matter for anything. She is a goddess, she is an empress, she is in control, and all men (and to some extent, lesser females as well) are her servants. Go against her status quo and you will find yourself on the anus end of a rectal exam performed by her army of dimwitted 3s. And she doesn't use lube.

The worst part of 7s are that they DELIGHT in using their gender to emasculate and hurt the feelings of men. They absorb the raw and unadulterated sorrow of their victims. They're Calypso incarnate. A heathen goddess as capricious as the sea, with a temper and personality to match. She will "delight you with your wildest dreams, only to reveal them to be naught, but hollow and ash," to quote Davy Jones.

I cannot think of send off as good as the intro, so I think I will just leave it at this and be done with it. Do not be surprised if this appears on other forums. I find it is quite humorous, and could be used as a "who's who" guide on plenty of forums, regardless of the fetish in question.

Feel free to redistribute, and you don't even have to mention your good pale Arukan.
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ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!
*Is currently The Emperor of New Britannia*
One and Only, Uncontestably-Best-in-the-World Baby, With Absolutely No Exceptions, Accept No Substitutes (she's mine, look at her & I'll liberate your genitals fry up a delightful final meal for you.): Neiko

Age : 20 Joined : 24 Apr 2006 Posts : 431 Location : Canada

You seem to have issues with female forum goers, from the sounds of it.

I find this to be a bit more detailed on the subject though: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/
_________________

Warning, unpleasant spoiler:

Spoiler:
	You just lost the game

Age : 20 Joined : 24 Apr 2006 Posts : 431 Location : Canada

Okay, so this is nice and all, but don't you think it might just be a little teensy bit self-important?
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Unfortunately, they all died.

My very own convoluted FTT family tree:

Vegas Hubby: Mugi
Mah Chilluns: Haruko, Amy, DDA
Brother: Darth
Little Sister: Night_Sprite

Age : 22 Joined : 27 Nov 2005 Posts : 853 Location : Canada

you know I do agree with all of them ^^'

and don't forget the people who e-mail you out of the blue requesting stuff -_-
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look at my teams and my fic Gym leader:

feel free to contact me the voices in my head stopped talking to me.

FFT Family:
Mommy: Asuka

While it has some definite truths, it does seem a little hard on the ladies, doncha think?

Oh, and you forgot one. The guy who labels and cubbyholes everyone else and then says, "I'm the only normal one here!" ;-)
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Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway, cute enough to get away with it!

Age : 19 Joined : 17 Apr 2006 Posts : 1402

Admin Joined : 22 Oct 2005 Posts : 280

A sorta well done observation, if you manage to remove all the hate and childish jabs this text is filled with. Rolling Eyes

As for the apparent anti-girl flavor, I'd bet somebody got recently dumped albino

tl;dr